On the Mend
by nikerek
Summary: AKA "Sexual Healing" (because I think I'm hilarious) After months of mourning over the beloved Hawke, an unlikely pair find solace in each other.


The waning moon at his back and the neck of a bottle in his fist, Fenris stumbled into the dimly lit Hawke family mansion. It had become a habit over the last few months that he found he couldn't break. He took a swig of his whiskey and ascended the stairs. He couldn't wait to reach Hawke's room and inhale the scent of bedsheets in hopes that at least his scent of lyrium and musk still lingered.

Fenris tripped on a step in his drunken haze. Landing on all fours, he listened to his bottle roll down the steps. The world was spinning. Struggling, he looked up to see Anders at the top of the stairs.

Anders sighed, it wasn't the first time he's witnessed this scene: the tall warrior on his hands and knees, tears threatening to fall.

"Come on." Anders whispered as he grabbed Fenris' upper arms, helping him to his feet. Since Hawke's death, Anders had buried himself in taking care of others.

Fenris placed an arm over Anders' shoulders; he was surprisingly heavy without the pounds of armor he usually stumbled in wearing. "You should've-you should've just left me."

Ignoring Fenris, Anders walked him to Hawke's bedroom and sat him at the edge of the bed. A soft light emanated from his hand as he reached for Fenris' scalp. The soothing magic seemed to be the only way Fenris could rest, but tonight, he felt unworthy of it.

Fenris gripped Anders' wrist, their eyes meeting in the darkness. "No, not tonight. I-I don't want to sleep tonight. I want to feel this."

"You need rest."

Fenris narrowed his eyes, which helped form a cold expression. "Why won't you mourn him, mage? Did you even really love him?"

Anders scowled, a sudden heat emanated from him, "How dare you question how I felt about Hawke. How I still feel."

Fenris released his wrist and hung his head. Silence hung in the air as Fenris felt the familiar rush of Rejuvenation. "He said he could love me once. I don't understand how."

It was the longest conversation held between them since Hawke died, since everyone disbanded. Fenris and Anders were the only ones who couldn't move on. Anders knelt before Fenris. He placed his hands on Fenris' knees to grab his attention. "I see what he saw. I see why it was so hard for him to choose."

His steady voice was as soothing to Fenris as his warm hands inching up his thighs. It had been so long since he felt such a tender touch. Fenris forgot how much he'd been longing for affection and surprised that he would long for it from Anders. They learned to accept each other now that the competition had disappeared.

They stared in silence. Anders moved his hand towards Fenris' head again, but Fenris pushed his arm away and leaned forward. Their lips met in a soft embrace. Anders spread Fenris' knees apart, moving closer to his body. Fenris reached into Anders' hair, their tongues slid roughly around each other. Anders rubbed his palms further up Fenris' thighs.

Their breathing began to grow rapidly with repeated kisses. Both men felt their erections grow, straining against suddenly constricting clothes. Fenris pulled away, his eyes still locked on Anders'. He tugged at the gold chain of the mage's shawl, releasing it from the black feathers. He pushed it away and moved closer to the edge of the bed. Fenris hooked his finger around the gold loop of Anders' belt and jerked his hips forward, their pelvises colliding.

Anders palmed the side of Fenris' neck, bringing his lips to his once again. Fenris fumbled with the many straps of the mage robes. Anders smiled against his lips.

Fenris grimaced and pulled back, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't. I don't know." His whisper trailed off as he looked away.

Anders grabbed Fenris' jaw and pulled his gaze back to his. "It's okay," he whispered back before planting a soft kiss on Fenris' lips. Anders' hands moved swiftly between them. As soon as Anders finished undoing the clasps, Fenris pushed the thick robes from his shoulders. Anders let them slide down his arms to fall over his calves.

Fenris' thighs squeezed Anders' hips. Their breath was heavy between kisses. Fenris felt Anders' lyrium-scented skin as his hands traveled along his shoulders and chest. His fingers moved over the ridges of Anders' ribs, his waist felt much thinner without the heavy cloaks. The realization of Anders' own sacrifices had dawned on him. Fenris brought his hands up to Anders' jaw and held his face. For the first time in months, Fenris has actually looked at Anders, the near sunken eyes and prominent cheekbones. He was wasting away, yet Fenris couldn't recall a single outburst Anders wasn't there to contain. And every night, Anders had soothed Fenris to sleep. Confused, Anders placed his hands over Fenris'.

Fenris' sudden kiss was harder than the last few. He caught Anders' lower lip between his teeth. His need had grown with his appreciation. His lips moved to Anders' neck;teeth scraped against the stubbled skin of his throat.

Anders moaned lightly, his hands slipping beneath Fenris' loose sweater. He broke away, sliding the sweater over Fenris' head and tosed it out into the dark room. He kissed Fenris' neck, his lips and tongue moving down his chest, inhaling the mix of leather armor and hard liquor that tainted Fenris' flesh.

Fenris leaned back on his elbows and let out a deep breath of anticipation as Anders loosened the buttons of his trousers. Anders' brow furrowed at the site of the white tattoos. They extended further than he'd thought. Anders kissed his hips and moved up Fenris' body. Fenris laid back, his fingers winding in Anders' hair as he felt the mage's hot lips travel across his skin.

Anders straddled Fenris' thighs, his eyes lingered on his body. He reached down to move the snow white hair from his forehead. Anders leaned back, small ice crystals forming in his open palm. Fenris hissed as the ice trailed down his torso. He squeezed Anders' knees. Droplets of water glided across his skin and onto the bed. Anders closed his palm, now hot under the spell of Flames. He melted the ice over Fenris' erection, the water traveled between his thighs.

Anders moved off of the bed to remove his pants. Fenris' eyes never left his form. He sucked in a breath through his teeth as he watched Anders slide between his legs. His skin hummed at the magic inside Anders.

Anders guided himself against Fenris, the melted ice allowing easy entry inside the elf. Fenris gasped and pulled Anders' mouth to his. He'd never been with a man willingly; if it weren't for Hawke he'd never have known how good things could be outside his cage. Anders was proof that there was still a life worth living for. He kissed Anders hard, their teeth hit as Fenris' tongue wrapped around his.

Fenris tugged at the tie that kept Anders' strawberry hair in place. His fingers tangled themselves in the wavy locks now hanging in Anders' face. Anders pulled away to gasp for breath. He stared at the warrior beneath him, needy and desperate. Beautiful under the layers of self-loathing. Anders wondered for a moment how much more beautiful this elf would look if he loved himself, if he smiled, if he laughed. Did Hawke get to witness it?

Anders kept a steady pace, letting Fenris feel his full length. Fenris was hard and pressing into his stomach. Anders reached between them, stroking him slowly. Fenris reached behind him, hands sinking into a pillow; he arched his back, grunts replaced every few heavy breaths. Anders moved his palm from the bed to push Fenris' wrists together. His hand spread over them, keeping them still with his weight as he pushed harder inside Fenris. His strokes slow and teasing.

Fenris' tattoos pulsed faintly in the night. Anders' skin looked so pale against the soft blue light. Anders looked into Fenris' eyes that seemed to glow with his skin. He stroked Fenris faster, amazed by the sight beneath him.

Fenris' knees dug into his back; his muscles tightened. His eyes wandered, relishing in the sight of Anders' hand around him. Fenris bit his lip as he began to orgasm. His wrists pushed against Anders' hand; he was stronger than he looked as he held them down firmly. Anders felt Fenris' come in his hand. He leaned down and kissed Fenris fervently, his own erection spasming into orgasm. He pushed deep inside Fenris, letting himself finish.

As their bodies relaxed, their kisses became softer. Anders laid next to Fenris, wiping away a bead of sweat from his brow. He stared at the ceiling, suddenly insecure. Fenris sat up and reached to the small candle on the bedside table. He turned to Anders, "A little help?" he asked with a smirk. A smile tugged at Anders' lips as he set the candle aflame. Fenris set the lit candle back on the table. He put his large sweater back on and quickly planted a kiss on Anders' forehead, "I'll be right back."

Anders watched curiously as Fenris disappeared into the dark hallway. He touched his forehead, grinning for the first time in months.

A few moments later, Fenris entered with a tray topped with everything edible he could find in the pantry along with water and wine.

"What's this?" Anders sat up.

"I've been preoccupied with my wallowing. I know." He sat down next to Anders and placed the tray in front of him. He stared at the food, "I noticed how thin you've become since-" he trailed off. "You've spent the last few months taking care of me. I see it now, how thin you've become because of me. Because I'm such a drunk, lousy mess to deal with." He looked over his shoulder at Anders, "But I think I'll be okay now." He ripped the loaf of bread in half.

A smile spread wide across his lips at the gesture. "You're being sweet. Did you forget I was a mage?" He laughed as Fenris shoved the bread in his mouth with a smirk hanging on his own lips.


End file.
